I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize