I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She tied me up with her honor cords...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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