could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
