now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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