think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
