We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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