before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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