So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
nutella sex= disaster
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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