Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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