I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
