i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
