dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
