If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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