What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I would fuck him just for his dog
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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