he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
