What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
