Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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