fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
