I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you made out with another girl for some wings
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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