I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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