I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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