Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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