Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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