Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
