At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
