I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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