You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
