**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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