Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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