I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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