My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
