Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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