gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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