What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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