I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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