No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
