I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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