Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize