girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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