Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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