yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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