Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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