What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize