you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I just sharted jello shots
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
