just come out here and I will go home with you...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
