I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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