I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
