I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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