I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
