so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
