I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
