oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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