we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
