Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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