Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize