mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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