trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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