a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
