what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
