You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
