i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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