Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
