She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize