Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
