My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dicks are not precious.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize