so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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