Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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