Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize