Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
