it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
