my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
