My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
