YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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