for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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