i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
