I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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