your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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