I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
