I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
