Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dignity is for republicans.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
