I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
