she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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